Ibukun Akinnawo of the ‘She is Out of Control’ blog graciously granted permission to share her writing on our blog. Here is one of her timeless pieces.
Today’s post is for the single girl and the one already dating. Married people can also read so you can leave helpful words in the comment box below? Yes! That stated, this is simply a guide from one recovering “bad” girl to another (I wrote more about the “bad”, “good” people labels here). It should not replace real life discussions, prayer and the Bible on this topic. All I will be sharing in this post is stuff I’ve learned about dating (the godly way) from (very) personal experiences, books, people. Set? Hop in!
Dating the godly way for the recovering bad girl can be extremely difficult because our priorities have changed but, out of habit, we may still be drawn to the type of men we liked before Jesus. This usually means that we
- “missionary date” (meaning we date unbelievers and hope we can convert them to Christ),
- date the first or second Christian guys we know assuming that simply because they are Christian they are right for us
- not date because we feel we don’t deserve the squeaky clean Christian guys
- or we date godly guys but allow insecurities ruin a good relationship
Yes, this dating thing can be a minefield. Here’s what I propose:
Love Jesus first: Jesus wants to hang out too. He wants to have dates with you every single day. He sings joyful songs over you (and His voice is awesome). He lavishes His love and grace on you everyday (Zeph 3:17). Jesus laid down His life for you in a painful way– He would do it again if He had to. And He never needs “some space to clear his head” ever! In your search for love, don’t lose sight of Jesus. Love Him first and best, Pour all the love you’re saving on Jesus.
Give yourself time: One of the biggest mistakes I ever made was dating almost as soon as I became a Christian. My priorities were still misplaced and I ended up spending almost a year in a relationship that was not glorifying God or helping me grow spiritually. Complete waste of time. The following year, I decided to get off the market and I’m glad I made the decision. As a recovering bad girl, it’s best to give yourself time to grow in God/know Jesus better, make new friends, find a home church. Save yourself heartache and pour that time and effort into growing spiritually. Alone.
You can read the rest of this insightful post on Ibukun’s Blog. Follow Ibukun on Twitter @TheOnlyIbukun